Untethered: When Survival Replaces Surrender

I’m behind—and here’s the real reason.

I started the year out with the full intention of abiding and tethering myself to Holy Spirit every day!

Facing Personal and Family Challenges

Honestly, since then, it feels like everything has been thrown at me—my own struggles, and on top of that, trying to help my adult kids through their own complicated issues. Some days, it’s like I’m juggling so much that I can hardly catch my breath. There are moments when the obstacles just keep piling up, and I wonder how I’m supposed to keep up or find any sense of relief. It’s a lot, trying to handle what’s going on with me while also being there for them. This season has just been really demanding and emotionally exhausting.

I am watching them go through their own spiritual battles and I cannot (and should not) fix the situations for them. Following Jesus and leading in ministry is not for the faint of heart. I will never tell you that your life will be all rose petals and warm bubble baths once you step into your walk with Jesus. I will say do not forget the tools and resources he has available through the Word and connection to his body of believers of the way.

I didn’t walk away from God, I drifted.

It was one little thing at a time followed by several big things. You know the story… Something interrupts the morning moments of prayer and time in the Word. It is hard to start back up again. Then all the urgent situations jump into the pile of distractions. Don’t get me wrong, I did not stop praying and reading the Word. I have not stopped going to church and attending small groups. My co-leader and I lead an amazing group based on Chis Hodges “Out of the Cave” book and study guide. Kelly was truly the main leader and far more organized than I was!!! It was truly a great semester of learning, development, and comradeship.

Tethered to stress, money, survival.

When I left my previous job, I withdrew my little 401 (k) stash. That was gone faster than I had planned. We caught up on mortgage, car payments, and all the things. We used a little to go on our postponed anniversary trip. That’s another long story! I started shopping for Instacart at the end of February. At first, it was so hard because I didn't have the actual debit card, so we could only go to places that accepted credit. And then after that, it wasn't so bad. I had a specific schedule, and we were doing well. Then suddenly all the bills were flooding in, and I did not have enough left in savings, and I wasn't making enough on Instacart. It was in that instance that it felt like someone took a stick of dynamite and threw it into my balance. On top of that, we are now living less from paycheck to paycheck and more in deficit. I felt myself starting to isolate myself again. The sadness started to creep in with the overwhelming situations.

Survival Replaced Surrender  

I recently realized that survival had taken the place of surrender.  I could sit here and tell you that I was praying stoically and in a Holy Spirit moment, but truthfully, I was screaming and whining to God about how frustrated I was. I started spitting out all my regrets. I told him to show me where I was out of alignment with his Word and his will. I don't even think I phrased it as a question at first. Both my husband and I are extremely stressed with our financial situation, and we both know that only God will get us through this. However, emotionally, we've not been acting like that. We have been running around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to fix the situation with our own means. We should be able to figure it out! While that is true, until we surrender to the entire situation. ALL of it. We won’t be able to hear God’s voice in it or see the path he has laid before us.

John 15:4-5 → I stopped abiding.

4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5

Abiding Through Everyday Challenges

You know, abiding in Christ isn’t about spending endless hours in prayer. It’s really about making sure you’re seeking God first, in everything—big or small. But as time went on, bills piled up, worries about family started weighing heavily, and I kept thinking about an upcoming surgery. My thoughts were swamped, and honestly, it got tough to keep my own worries in check, let alone help my husband find peace or point him back to Jesus.

I was still praying for other people, asking God to help them through their struggles, but somewhere along the way, I stopped praying honestly about the mess in my own life. Jason and I used to pray together much more, but now even that felt distant. As the busyness of day-to-day life took over, I could feel depression slowly sneaking back in. We both got so wrapped up in all the stress, and it was easy to forget about the peace that comes from simply abiding in Jesus.

Matthew 6:33-34 → I started seeking solutions first.

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:33-34

I was not intentionally being disobedient. Well… for the most part. I know that Holy Spirit told me a long time ago to delete the games and keep them off my phone. With good reason. They are a great escape! Unfortunately, they are also a huge time-suck. So here we are not seeking the kingdom of God first, and we are anxious, worried, and afraid for all the things going on in our lives together. In the verses before 33 & 34, Jesus talks about being worried about what sums up being concerned about basic daily needs. We were doing all that and then some.

You can be busy and still empty.

Luke 10:38-42 talks about Martha and her sister Mary. Martha wasn’t doing anything wrong by being busy with Hosting Jesus and a possibly houseful of disciples with him. It is a great deal of work to host guests in your home. Some customs and traditions were also good manners to follow. Here her sister is sitting at Jesus’s feet and listening to him teach! However, at that moment, Mary was also not in the wrong. She was sitting in the presence of Jesus and absorbing his words.

I don’t need to strive; I need to reconnect.

Instead of focusing on how to control our finances to not lose everything, I needed to reconnect. It just hit me suddenly last week when I was praying about so many things. I realized that I had become untethered to abiding in Jesus without cognitively being aware that it was slowly happening over time. I was busy with my commitments to serve at church, running my adult children (2 specifically) around to doctor appointments, therapy, work and so much more. Seriously, if money were no object I would have bought them vehicles myself! However, they both need to obtain their licenses first. Just because I want to make it all work faster does not mean that it is my responsibility to make it happen. They are figuring out solutions on their own, so I need to leave that in God’s hands.

Invitation: come back, get tethered again

I decided to reset. Intentionally prioritizing my relationship with Jesus is critical. I need to be mindful of him throughout the day. That also includes the commitment to share here with you. This doesn’t mean that I won’t ever deal with stress, worries, depression, and things outside of our control. It just means that before I let it consume me, I need to remember who I am in Christ. I need to remember all his promises and the authority that I have through Jesus. Join me in reconnecting and being tethered to Holy Spirit.

Lord, I come to you in Jesus’ name today to lay all the worries of our hearts and minds at your feet. Reconnect my spirit, mind, and body with all things you according to your Word. I renounce all worries and concerns that I have let consume me. I cut the tethers to the things of this world and tether my heart back to you. Remind me daily to always be at your feet and in your presence. Teach me to lead, follow, and practice your way today and every day. In your mighty name I pray, amen.